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The Head

I have run across an interesting story centered around, "The Head" from Myth I. Perhaps you might vaguely remember his military advise, received by Balor. This is not meant as a funny story, but one I hope you will value for the moral benefits. Well, it seems this fellow "The Head" had an exciting life.

Originally, "The Head" indeed had a body, and his name was Comoba. In his early life he was a pimp making money from his hoes, (which accidentally were responsible for Alric's and Balor's existence). He was a man of vast intelligence and an eye for beauty. When this seemingly perpetual youthful man saw Balor coming of age, he joined his cause and became an immense hero in the battles taking place early on. He eventually became Balor's right Hand, by combining his stout Heart, and gifted Mind to lead his Foot soldiers into the Neck of the badlands to the Head of the enemy. His ability to scout, his experience, and his ability to add whole numbers made him a superior commander when calculating military stats and unit ratio's. He always told his men how many of the enemy they would need to kill before it was acceptable to die. Sometimes each man would have to kill three to four men for a total victory, against an army of immense numbers. However, he could fill his men with bravery with a single speech, and could bring them into battle with a raise of the sword and a whoop.

Comoba had won many battles, and was coming to his final assault as a commander. The war was in its darkest age now. He was ... ahem ... celebrating his successful victory with an old female entrepreneur from his original job, when a berserk had entered the near by cottage next to his force. His Heroin Guard healed him as the berserk struck his neck. His head fell to the floor with a thud. The berserk having assassinated Balor's precious right hand began to fight the heroin guard, when suddenly Comoba's head ruled over and began to swear and taunt the berserk. The berserk shrieked as the heroin guard delivered the final blow. This was not an illusion from an overjoyed drunken berserk. Comoba's head, because it still was alive the split second it was cut off, had it's neck and head healed instantly. He could talk, and think. He had to whisper though. Eating and drinking were very strange, so he was limited to vitamins. His sex life was also ... ahem ... limited, and he fell into a deep depression after his entrepreneur left him.

He began having dreams that revealed the answers to complex melee formations, souless attack and retreat timing, fetch trajectory, and other advanced maneuvers. He became a brilliant military statician and strategist to balor, now in his crippled state, he was as powerful and dangerous as ever. With a stroke of genius, a burst of creativity, and and many weeks of thinking, Balor came up with a new name. He would call him "The Head". One day, after another risky strategy involving the use of satchels and wighrs proved extremely successful, "The Head" went celebrating again. He was given three beers (through straws of course). The alcohol concentration solely to his head caused him to pass out. His drunken comrades had mistaken his two nostrils and mouth for wholes on a bowling ball. After four consecutive games of split, strikes, and gutter balls er heads "The Head" was dead.

His successful career and tragic death bring me to the moral of the story ...

                 Quit While You're A Head.